Jamie S.

“I want people to be friends with me because they genuinely want to, and not because they are forced to.”

Beyond just the tangible issues of finance, housing, and employment that are typically associated with moving to a new country, immigrants also face immense psychological pressure. Factors such as alienation from support systems from back home, isolation from mainstream society and culture, and acclimatizing to new environments are often overlooked in the discussion of immigration support. 

This issue is particularly impactful for youth immigrants. For them, these stresses come at a vulnerable time where their identity is being formed. I was fortunate enough to interview Iroquois Ridge High School student, Jamie, on his experiences moving to Canada and dealing with the social impact of that change.

Born in Korea, Jamie moved to Oakville, Ontario in August of 2019, just before grade 7.

”Everything was so new, and I was honestly scared and excited at the same time. On the first day of school, it was pretty horrible for me. I remember when I stepped inside the school, the unfamiliar colors and everything, and then I could feel what you commonly refer to as the imposter syndrome. And it was so overwhelming for me. I remember crying on the first day.”

The move itself hadn’t been easy for Jamie and his family either. 

“My parents’ reason to come to Canada is because they thought Korea’s education system is, like, not that good, and they’ve heard that Canada’s education system could do better. So they took a risk and sacrificed some things to move here. When we moved here, it was without my dad, and my dad only came here recently. And with my mom, she had to go to university again here to find work and to support our education.”

Starting in a new school can be a daunting period for anyone. The pressure to make friends, find your passions, and cement your identity. All in a short period of time. For Jamie, he never felt truly comfortable with the people that he was around. The friendships that were supposed to be the supporting mechanism for many became a source of stress itself.

“I guess I felt like I wasn’t really appreciated as, like, a friend to the community, especially in elementary school. So, like when I said something, they would act as if they understood me. But I discovered that they sometimes would go behind my back.”

“I kinda closed up after feeling like I couldn’t trust others. So I was more reluctant to try new things, try to go meet other people because I felt like they would just make fun of me or do worse things. But I also feel like if other people kinda came to me first, I could have also opened my mindset too.”

“I was that one person that was alone and was really quiet. And back in Korea, I was an extroverted person and all of that. But when I took, like, my MBTI thing, when I came here, it became introverted. But that kinda shows how I was really overwhelmed by trying to adapt to the new environment.”

But it wasn’t just the environment around him which created this isolation for Jamie, he also described this self-imposed barrier to socializing with others.

“I was also close-minded of the new environment. So it was also me that kinda made it worse. But I definitely felt like I missed out on the opportunities. Like, for example, I would have joined many clubs.”

“I realized, like, how much, elementary school was comforting for me. And I felt like I was pretty close with, like, all of my classmates. But in Canada, was just like a few people that I was close to. And most I didn't really talk to at all or, even get to know them.”

“It was more maybe I was just dreaming, a perfect Canada. I think [my parents] unintentionally romanticized Canada…I have so many regrets from my past couple of years. I was kinda relieved that COVID happened because I was kind, like, isolated with other people.”

With his middle school years ending, Jamie described his shifting mentality in high school to overcome the barriers. He described it as a combination between the more open environment, personal drive towards becoming more extroverted, and a bit of luck. “High school was one of the main factors that allowed me to gain new friends. Especially concert band. Because we all play instruments, we were stuck in a classroom every week for an hour. Coding too, in terms of working in other organizations. Joining hackathons and finding other people, networking stuff like that.”

“And also, this was more recently, but I really love baseball. And I’ve discovered other people that also love baseball but don’t play professionally so I like to play with them in my spare time.”

It was a slow shift, but progress was made.

“[It's] because of the new supportive people that I was surrounded with. It really makes a difference. There’s this one person that approached me and treated me differently, like completely different from all the other people. And she introduced me to other new people that helped me become more open to myself right now.”

I asked him to reflect back on his time during high school, now that he’s a graduating senior, and whether or not he would have changed anything about his experience.

“This might be a bit controversial, but I think no matter how they teach it, people will eventually have to learn how to overcome it themselves. Look, people like me have to go through this process. Because when you’re in the classroom, and the teachers come in and talk about newcomers and welcoming them to our community, I feel like half of the people at least don’t really take it seriously and just forget about it after. Especially when they’re immature.”

“People say everyone’s different, but for myself, even if there were more adults or other people willing to talk to me, I feel like there’s not really much that could have been done for that process to help. And let’s say a teacher is like: ‘Hey, you, make friends with Jamie.’ If I heard that, what would I feel? Like I was being pitied. Like I’m different from other people. And the relationship isn’t really legitimate. I want people to be friends with me because they genuinely want to, and not because they are forced to.”

But why are friends so important in the first place?

“The reason I think why we like hanging out with our friends rather than parents is because parents want the best for you, and they’ll probably cut out every bad thing for you. But with a friend, [you] share experiences with them and to fully mature as a person together. I always feel sorry for my parents. Like I feel like I also sort of isolated myself from them too. And some experiences where I was not comfortable to share with my parents, I was eager to share with my close friends and I did notice myself maturing over that. That’s the beauty of it.”